powerisyours | (no subject)

[he almost bumps into you, that's how miserable and distracted he is. he looks startled when he sees you]

...Jiu Wu. I--hey. [his voice is tight] Can I talk to you for a minute?

[ mouth full of food ] Sure?

[ you look really tense ]

[well yes, i am]

I talked to Takeru.

...can we go somewhere else?

[ ruh oh ]

Yeah, sure. Lead the way.

[ stuffs the rest of his sammich in his mouth and swallows ]

[just takes you back to his cabin and sits down on his bed, burying his face in his hands]

[ just dumps his bag on the floor and takes a seat next to you ]

I take it he told you.

Yeah. Just so I wouldn't think he was avoiding me for any reasons that make sense, I guess. [drops his hands into his lap] How do you just... dump something on somebody like that? "Oh, by the way, I'm in love with you but it'll never work so forget it."

[to say it out loud like that sends a painful twist through his chest and he flops back on his bed] Dammit!

[ he's silent for a moment ]

That might be my fault. I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you before.

Nah, it's fine. M'not pissed at you. It's good that he was the one who told me, and he probably asked you not to tell, so it's better you kept that promise. It just--it's the same crap all over again, and I'm tired of it.

He didn't ask any such thing, but I told him he should tell you. I thought you might appreciate having a somewhat legitimate - however stupid it may have been - reason for avoiding you, rather than a cold shoulder and nothing. But I probably should've just kept my mouth shut. He gave me a line of you liking the Joe guy and the Joe guy liking you and he didn't want to get in the way or put you on the spot but it seemed kind of sketchy, since he didn't seem to have any definitive proof.

[ he flops back so he's lying next to you, but a comfortable distance away ]

Honestly, I was about ready to straight up ask you if there was any truth to it. I would've told you, eventually, if he hadn't said anything.

[ he's silent for a moment, then hesitant ]

. . . Has this sort of thing happened to you before?

The idea that I'm in love with Joe is like the dumbest thing I've ever heard!

[wow this is incredibly not true, but moving on]

And--ugh. Sometimes... when you're here, and you go home for a period of time, you can apparently randomly come back with no memories. That... happened to me. And when I was here before, I was dating somebody, but when I got back I didn't remember any of it, or anything about stuff here. It just--

She didn't tell me. Takeru let me know right off the bat, and he was mad at her for not saying anything herself, but she didn't bring it up for months. And it made me feel like a jerk, because she still had feelings for me all that time and wouldn't stop talking about how her feelings weren't important, or whatever, and how it just depended on what I wanted to do. And Takeru did the same stupid thing! He just decided on his own that he wasn't going to date me no matter what and dropped the bomb that he liked me, then followed it up with, oh, well, it'll never happen, so don't worry about it. It's stupid to tell me what I feel!

And... fuck. Just. If it was... I dunno, something enough for both of them that they could just throw it away like that, if it wasn't important enough to them to really do anything about it, what does that say?

I can't speak for the young lady, but Takeru just seems to want to run away from it. He seems to be under the assumption that these things just go away if you ignore them.

. . . He didn't say it in so many words, but he's afraid to try it. He told me about the thing before he moved into our cabin; that everything just kind of faded away. He seems to think it's just some sort of passing infatuation and wants to try to prove it to himself without listening to reason. He's afraid the same thing will happen again.

It's . . . I know it's not really my place to be saying this sort of thing, considering my experience with it is basically zero. But I've spent a lot of time watching people, and tend to understand or figure things out pretty quick, even if they think they're hiding it. He wants to suffer it out on his own, even though he knows logically that he's hurting the people around him by doing it.

I just, I never even thought of him like this. I never thought about guys until I freaking got here, and Takeru's... I dunno. He's different. I just don't get why me. And I don't want to fuck this up, no matter what happens.

And he knows that fully well. I'm pretty sure that's one of the reasons he doesn't think he has any options or even a chance. That he didn't want to put you on the spot if you weren't interested, simply because he didn't want to ruin the relationship you two already have.

I'm not even going to pretend I know all of the answers, or that I know him better than you. I mean, I'm glad he feels comfortable enough to tell me this stuff, but I wish he'd grow a pair and actually try communicating with you guys. He's too used to being the lone leader guy that everyone looks up to for answers to admit that he can't do everything alone. Which, unfortunately, is a situation I know all too well.

[ and he's rolling over on his side and propping his head up on a hand to look at you ]

I hate that. I've always thought that was a load of crap. That leader stuff, I mean--like, he is, we get it. But that doesn't mean he has to do stuff by himself, that's what we're here for. Kotoha just didn't tell me anything, Joe avoided me for like a month solid, and Takeru has just gone and decided that whatever he wants doesn't matter, but nobody bothers to ask me what I think about any of it. It's stupid

I didn't say it was a smart thing to do, because you're right. It's a cop out. I told him flat out that he should give you a chance to consider or at least tell him what you thought before up and deciding that none of it matters anyway because there's something inherently wrong with him for liking someone he's relatively close to.

I reserved the right to punch him in the face if he didn't.

[ yes, Chiaki, vent all you want about stupid tono ]

Well, go ahead, then.

I just may do that.

You can vent, if you want.

I just don't... know what to do. [sounding a little less angry and a little more miserable, flopping flat on his back with his arms spread and staring up at the ceiling]

Well, what does your gut tell you to do? [ he's watching you with an expression of genuine concern ]

I don't know! [sounding incredibly frustrated, squeezing his eyes shut before they snap open and he sits up]

He's such a coward sometimes! [blurting out] It's like he doesn't even want to date me, he just wants to forget about it because he's too scared to do anything!

He is a coward, and he is too scared to do anything. He's under the delusion that he'd be a terrible boyfriend and you deserve someone better than him, so he's giving up before getting any real answer. He could be right, but it's not his decision to to make. It's yours. [ telling all the secrets and kind of really doesn't care if Takeru gets mad at him for it later. and he's shifting closer ]

He--what? [looking over at you, startled]

It's not pure speculation. He told me himself. Well, most of it, at least. [ annnd he'll let your poor adorable brain digest the information ]

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! [indignantly] He was a great boyfriend, I watched him with Ryuunosuke and neesan. I--

[and that throws him again, because he remembers how takeru's eyes used to soften and how his whole face would light up and the idea that takeru thinks about him like that sends an odd little twist through his belly]

...it's still kinda hard to process.