IT R UR BIRFDAY

[powerisyours]

[ the lab is clean, the table's set, the dogs are securely out of the way, and the candle on a small cake sitting on the counter's lit. all that's missing is the birthday girl, and this dude's watching the door like a hawk, drumming his fingers on the tabletop impatiently

because cake

and also birthday!!! ]

Comments

[ridestherider]

[Tipping her head to kiss him again, fairly briefly.]

That part is questionable.

[powerisyours]

[ nipping at her lip ]

I can't find anything to complain about.

[ridestherider]

It could complicate things.

[powerisyours]

[ pulling back and sitting up a bit, bracing himself on his palms and watching her face with an expression of genuine curiosity ]

How do you mean?

[ridestherider]

[Trying really hard to figure out how to explain this.]

When this happens, you never feel anything at all?

[powerisyours]

I don't think I could say that and be honest at the same time.

[ridestherider]

... and that's why it's complicated.

[powerisyours]

Because I happen to have a great deal of affection for you?

[ridestherider]

Because certain kinds of affection are a bad idea, here.

And for me in general, probably.

[powerisyours]

Which kinds?

[ridestherider]

The romantic kind and ... the stuff that usually follows that, if it ever went in that direction.

Every once in a while I think there's ... I dunno, I feel something out of the ordinary, and it freaks me out. I don't want to end up without you, too, because that's how that generally works out for me.

[powerisyours]

[ making a small noise in the back of his throat and settling back down, shifting a bit to rest his forehead on her shoulder ]

If that's what you want, I won't let you do it again. Just keep in mind I'm in the same boat, more or less. I know it's going to happen eventually, so as far as I'm concerned, I'd rather make as many good memories as I can, while I still can.

[ and lifting his head again ]

However, if I'm going to end up with paws, you'd be the first choice of partners.

[ridestherider]

What I want and what's better aren't always the same thing.

[You get headpets.] ... thank you, I think.

[powerisyours]

[ nuzzling against her hand ]

You're talking to the person who was told on more than one occasion that he's too selfless and never takes anything for himself. If anyone understands that concept, it's me. But I'm starting to think that maybe it's okay to want things sometimes, too.

[ridestherider]

It's not just about me.

[powerisyours]

Then?

[ridestherider]

It's not fair to anyone involved.

[powerisyours]

What is it, exactly, that you want? Setting aside logistics and fears and all that.

[ridestherider]

Things I can't have. I don't know.

[powerisyours]

Things such as?

[ridestherider]

Jiu Wu, I don't know exactly, alright? Just -- not what I've had.

[Trying to squirm out from under you.]

[powerisyours]

[ he actually looks genuinely apologetic and he's rolling himself off ]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. Or, well, I guess I did, but I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

[ridestherider]

It's complicated, okay? I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you.

I never should have started anything. Or said anything.

[powerisyours]

[ headpets for you ]

Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have pushed, and I should've listened the first time when you said not to let you.

[ rubbing the back of his head and he might actually seem a little awkward when he continues ]

But . . . for the record, if it's you, that's a risk I'm willing to take.

[ridestherider]

Jiu Wu, I love you too much to have this blow up in my face. I hope you can understand that.

I'm not as brave about it as you are. I know where I stand with everybody else and you're one of so few people that might not just walk away if I don't mess everything up.